My introduction to an imperialism question, if ever it will come Thursday:

Imperialism was not a new prior to the 1870s, as a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, an Imperial Empire mercilessly governed and replaced the Old Republic.

There, enough said about my exams.

is where I just wanna go :|

Please note that the lack of a title means that I seem to have a lot on my mind. My first paper, Current Issues in International Relations, is tomorrow and all I feel is apathy right now. I should be scared out of my mind, but it seems that I can't really be bothered. I don't really know why this is happening at such a crucial time. Am I not scared because subconsciously I feel ready? Or is it because I'm too scared that I can't even feel scared? Oh dilemma, dilemma... :s

Oh well nothing I can do now but go back to revision :|

You might have noticed (or might not) that my blogging behaviour rate is relative to the intensity of my workload. I've read through my posts dating back a couple of months and mostly are work related or matters that are very pressing to me. Initially, I asked myself why? Why write these things when there are tons more I could do with the time? Why write when I know not many people are gonna subject themselves to my thoughts and worries? Why write when virtually nobody is reading?

Well I guess the answer to all that is merely for some relief. Whenever I try to do work or try concentrating on things, it could just never work without me thinking of other things. Things, even though menial and irrelevant to me now, I just don't want to forget. I guess all that I've written and shared, more or less, originates from my selfish nature of always wanting to remember.

I guess forgetting and losing memories, of either the good or the bad, just scares me. The memories and experiences cherished and burdened upon us all makes us unique. I don't want, in the future, to grow old and forget these things as these things aren't only for me, but also for the sake of not hurting people I love and cherish by forgetting them. So I endear and remember myself, so that I can remember others.

If by any chance I forget, I will always have this to remind me. Better yet, I have you to remind me also. So please remember to let me not forget. =D

*This post sounds kind of grim. Sorry for that. Just letting go of things on my mind I guess

When I started today, I decided that I should keep my blog on at all times just in case I wanted to gallivant about and wander from my studies (of course for reasons of relief nonetheless). Hours of reading meant that I had hours to think about new posts, but I just couldn't think of anything. But then I realised something: I tend to concentrate more on the things that I don't intend to rather than on the things that I wanted to. And today, I concentrated on trying to think of a new post to write, but instead my focus wandered into reading instead. How funny life works.

First paper up for me is my Contemporary International Relations module, encompassing on Post-Cod War Issues. As mentioned in the handbook and reading list, whatever topics included as an assessed essay would not reappear in the examination. Kind of a gift perhaps from the Politics and International Relations Department. Therefore, matters concerning human rights, new global threat i.e. nuclear proliferation and climate change, international organisations and US Foreign Policy has dominated my thoughts.

Now I regret not having paid much attention to the issues of the world prior to this. I should have made it a habit to check the pressing issues and their developments at least once a day either on the internet, newspapers or magazines. However, not much despair though, because the presence of new technology, especially Twitter, I'm now up to date (sort of) with some matters.

With Twitter, I was able to follow the 2010 Elections recently and get updates as quick as they happened. Oh how I love Twitter. But seriously starting next academic year, no more fooling around for me.

but feel challenged.

It's 3:49 am. I'm up. I wasn't up an hour ago. I was asleep. I was asleep for about 6 hours. It was a long day in the library yesterday. But still a satisfyingly productive day. Enrolled for my modules for next year. I felt the adrenaline and I can still feel it. Going to repeat my routine again. So my mind tells me to sleep, but I endeavor to read a bit more.

My life has revolved around revision. This has not been the case in the past. I've never tried this hard ever before. Are these feelings of inferiority in my academics? Do these feelings stem from the challenge purported by my peers? Am I intimidated by the fact that there are, as I have heard, 10 other Bruneian Political students in my batch right now? These questions baffle me as a new question arises: What do I have to be intimidated about? They all are in the same position as I am in.

As my mind wanders in attempting to answer these questions, a conclusion struck. No longer am I subjected to learn what I do not want. No longer do the words calculus, osmosis, titration et al mean anything to me. Only conflict and resolution are in mind. My future is at stake. My life depends on it.

It is human nature to want more. To never be satisfied. To not feel utter fulfillment. My mind seeks more knowledge, perpetually pursuing intellectual satisfaction and fulfillment.

Everything learnt interconnected. One should lead to the other and the other leading back to one. A circle has been drawn. But now I have to fill it. International Organisations and human rights. Terrorism and proliferation. Climate change and governance. Nothing stands alone. Nothing stands unfilled. As words transpire from my mind, more words form within.

If only this can be perpetuated during my examinations. The mastery of not just the course, but also intellect.

PS: pardon the ramblings.

I don't want this to be a photo blog or anything but I just felt like uploading some pics I took over the past few weeks with the new cam me papa got me (And also my blog has kinda been lacking in the images department). Canon 350D nothing real fancy but still I love it. I've been playing around with the camera and tried some things I could never have bothered to try on a normal camera. Also lots of post production here so nothing originally spectacular. However, still does not escape mediocrity. So please note that I have admitted to mediocrity (lots of noise and stuff) and that hurtful words criticizing my work would just be mean =D

In the Pictures below, I retouched them using the open sourced GIMP following the instructions to create lomo-esque picture types.

This is my favourite. This is the Astronomical Clock at the Rattray Building at Leicester University. This I used the manual way of lomo-ing

This was in the library. Yeah same effect but poor vignetting (really dunno but thought I'd use it) I guess haha

This I used the lomo script and it kinda saved me a lot of work and effort.

For my mum =D

Next up are the pictures I took in 3 different exposures, then creating HDR images in post production. Didn't do the manual layer masking or anything. Had some help by an open sourced software hahaha.

What I noticed from most of the pictures is that after post production, even though it doesn't leave the image flat, the pictures end up being dark and gloomy. But yeah thats all I can do now. Maybe during the summer after my exams I can experiment more hahahaha.

postscript: the models in the pictures weren't free. I had to pay them with kfc -_-

All the work I have done, the knowledge I have chosen to absorb, the countless number of books I have read and the advice I have taken from those around me all come together now. Yes my minions, it is the time of the year again. The time of judgement, the age of examinations. Hahaha yeah I know, a bit too melodramatic.

My first paper is in two weeks from now, and in the past two weeks I have been studying non-stop, even my trip to Coventry went along as I have read materials on current international issues and what not. Prior to these two weeks, I thought my revision would be futile as I have been delaying it time after time. Fortunately, the mood in the United Kingdom has been been very political due to the elections.

The political parliamentary condition in the UK is somewhat in a turmoil as some might say, however most are left unaffected and apathetic. As a politics student, I see it as my solemn right and duty to inform you of these matters, just so that you all know that I'm a know-it-all of course in this matter (and also this might help me in my revision, thanks). Although I won't be learning about the UK Government and Politics until the next academic year, I know enough to give enlightenment of this matter.

The electoral system in the UK is of a plural/majoritarian nature, as it is a first-past-the-post kind of election. Unlike the election system of the US, in which they are of the same nature, the Prime Minister of the UK is elected according to the support their party gets and in this sense meaning the party with the most MPs winning seats in parliament have the right to establish a new government. Therefore, in the case of the 2010 elections, the Conservative Party, whose leader, David Cameron, I have personally met on a train to Loughborough (to my surprise), won the most number of seats in parliament. However, Mr Cameron has not been elected Prime Minister due to the fact that his party did not win a majority of the seats. Winning more than half of the seats in parliament is considered a majority. The Conservative Party was and is still short of 20 seats in order to gain majority. The current government under the Labour Party, whose leader, Gordon Brown, I have not met, had lost to the Conservatives by almost 50 seats. Apart from Labour and the Tories, the Liberal Democrats have also taken their stance in the UK parliament having won almost 10% of the seats making them the third biggest party in the Parliament.

The problem now is that without majority in the Parliament, no party is able to form a government, therefore the status in the UK now is that they have a hung parliament, the first to happen in the UK after 36 years. The Tories are unable to form a government, even a minority government due to the fact that they are the opposing party to the current system. The case would be different if Labour had won the elections, as they would have the right to form a minority government, subject to the queen's invitation to parliament of the leader of the party. Therefore, the only chance for the Tories to form a government, is if they have the backing of the Liberal Democrats and with that they will achieve majority. So the past few day, talks between the Tories and Lib Dem have taken place and have been stated as progressive. but the major turning point in this matter is the declaration of resignation of Gordon Brown as leader of the Labour Party in order to gain the support of the Lib Dems. Because of this, I have a feeling that Labour will win. But with a Labour-Lib Dem coalition, I think it would be wrong as it would be a collaboration of the defeated :s

Ok now for sure I know your heads are hurting. Because mine is slightly in pain. Alright now, I will give a solution to this problem. A solution persistently repeated by politicians, especially of the Lib Dems. A solution practiced by most European countries. The solution is: Proportional Representation. Proportional representation means the ratio of votes should equal the number of seats. Unlike the current system now, the elections are based on the number of seats won, not by the number of votes. To explain even further, lets make a hypothesis of a liberal democratic Brunei. Just imagine Brunei going through an election between two parties in Brunei: the Blue Party and the Yellow Party, to determine who the executive should be. Lets take the current electoral system of the UK as a model and use regional types of voting and parliamentary seats and what not. Lets say every every district in Brunei has two contenders each from both parties vying for a seat in the Brunei "Westminster" and the party with most seats will have the right to rule. Lets say the Blue Party won the elections in Belait, Temburong and Tutong, while the Yellow Party only won in the Brunei Muara Districts. This makes the Blue Party having the majority of the seats and are viable to rule the government. However, this does not necessarily mean that the Blue Party got the most votes. Have I lost you now?

Ok let me explain slowly. Ok lets take Brunei's population to be 400,000 with Brunei Muara having 200,00 people, Tutong having 100,000, Belait 80,000 and Temburong 20,000. Can you see where I'm going at now? No? Ok lets move on. Lets say hypothetically in the three districts the Blue party won, the managed to get 60% of the votes of the population. Meaning in Tutong, the won 60,000 votes, in Belait 48,000 and in Temburong 12,000. That all adds up to 120,000 votes, the remainding 80,000 votes belonged to the Red Party. In addition to that lets say they won only 10% of the votes in Brunei Muara, meaning 20,000 votes equating totally in 140,000 votes nationwide. The Yellow party on the other hand won 180,000 votes in Brunei Muara and couple that with the remainders of the other districts, they won 260,000 votes nationwide, clearly more than that of the Blue Party. However, using the British electoral system, the Blue Party would still be considered to have the right to rule due to their dominance in the parliament. Unfair right? Right!

So this is where Proportional Representation should come in. the number of seats in the parliament should be proportionate to the ratio of the votes won. So if the hypothetical liberal democratic Brunei was to adopt PR, 260,000 votes won by the Yellow Party would be translated into 65% of the seats and the rest would go to the Blue Party.

So now do you get where I'm getting at? I hope you did.

PS: the english is a bit mediocre. blabbered everything. lol

Vertue 'gainst fury shall advance the fight,

And it i' th' combate soone shall put to flight:

For th' old Romane valour is not dead,

Nor in th' Italians brests extinguished.

Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince (written in 1513, published 1532 in Latin)

Despite the immense amount of work, there is still time for peripheral reading. I am aware that reading Machiavelli cannot be considered as reading for enjoyment to some, it is to one.

It has almost been a year since I have started reading this book, but I haven't seemed to get it over with. It seems that I cannot find the endurance to go through it all, as every line, every sentence has a depth that I myself cannot read into. So for the past months, I have merely been going through non-canonical pages. Reading the details that capture my attention. Tonight, after accomplishing a third of my workload, I came across this ever so intriguing sonnet.

First, let me explain to you in what context this sonnet arises from. The Prince, is one of Machiavelli's most esteemed work as a political theorist. It entails the coming of age of a prince, a prince groomed towards kingship, a prince of royal heritage, a prince first revered then esteemed with allegiance and subordinates.

The sonnet was used as a closure to the book. It depicts, to my understanding, that virtue and valor are the possessions of leaders, not of aristocracy but of pure authority. Virtue, in this context, will bring about the combat/resistance of the Italians against the Barbarians, and their valor will keep them alive and let them fight, until there is no more to fight.

Such noble cause will let them fight and their righteousness and courage will let them fight on. For what is right. For what is theirs'.

Although I am rated as a 'high mach' in the MACH-IV test, I do not aspire to be Machiavellian. I aspire to be among the righteous and the courageous.

...inspiration struck. Mind on full throttle. Words flowing from my mind into my hands, transpiring into writings and typed text. One essay down, two more to go. At the rate that I am going now, sleep will not be an issue tonight, as I intend to use the momentum I have now to catapult me from one to two and from two to three.

Check Kahar's blog. You can find an addition to this blogpost for today there.

"Nothing happens unless first a dream."

Carl Sandburg, US Biographer and poet (1878 - 1967)

Right now, I dream of only one thing: finishing all my assignments. But alas, it has been hard for me. Whenever I try going on with work, my mind wanders. Just like it wandered into reaching this quote and as futile as it may seem in helping me with my work, there is much insight on how deep and defined this quote is.

I am not a philosopher but in what I do, especially in my course of work and my dream of a profession, I come across philosophy as my guide. My mind wanders to retrospect whatever I hear, see or experience. Whatever I read I tend to analyse. To me, this characteristic is bittersweet. It is a curse and also a blessing. As whenever I read, I take into account everything written. Word after word, sentence after sentence, phrase after phrase until there is nothing more to read. I used to be a very quick reader. Able to read an entire book without stopping, finishing in mere hours and absorbing the face value of it all. But now as time passes, my reading has become slow. Analysing everything as said. Delving myself into the depth of it all.

Mentioned quote is one example of all of this. I stumbled across it in my efforts to progress in my work. At first, worried about work, I pushed this quote aside and continued. But not long after, my mind, as curious as it has always been, seemed to retrace its tracks onto this quote. The longer I tried eluding it, the more my mind drove me to it's attention. At first I didn't know why. I questioned it's importance as to why my attention had to be flailed towards it. Finally it led me somewhere. It led me to a Facebook status my eldest maternal cousin had updated, which I paraphrase (due to horrendous grammar): "A dream without a plan will never come to fruition". I don't know where this came from. I do not know it's origins. But deep within me I knew that I needed to prove this wrong.

A plan is technically something. Therefore, if without a dream, a plan will not come to fruition. If not for a dream, only nothing will happen. A dream entails an objective. With an objective, everything will come to fruition, even if it may come with failure. Because an objective or, in this matter, a dream, if not met does not necessarily mean that what you have done in attempting to achieve it is faulty, it might be the dream that is faulty. But whatever you do, never give up and never be afraid to fail. Because surrendering to fear is the truest form of failure. As said by Picasso:

"I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it."

I hope that I have given you insight, just as I have to myself.

PS: No wonder my work nowadays require a lot of time to do.

You know that feeling when you have so many things on your mind, but just can't physically transform them into words? You know like when you try eating everything on the table at one go and in the end nothing goes in? Or when you try to shred bundles of paper at one go but end up jamming the machine? Well, thats what I'm feeling now.

I've got 3 essays due on the 4th of May, all summing up to 7500 words, and all I've achieved is a miserly 1000 words on just one essay. I seriously don't know what I've done wrong. I've done all the reading and writing down the notes but my mind just can't seem to be doing any good for me. The 4th is 10 days away. Maybe this is my mind telling me that its still early. I don't have to do all this until the last minute. But guess again. It's actually my mind telling me that I should've finished these essays a long time ago. Way before easter. Its like my mind is saying to me right now: "There you go again procrastinating, blogging about work when the simplest solution is to just get on with work!".

Hmmm... good point.... Thats the best idea I've heard in a long time.

Later Gators =D

Feeling reminiscent, I looked through some of the photos posted by my friends on Facebook. Some funny, all nostalgic and all made me smile. But what really touched my heart is the picture below, which my sister uploaded.

From Left to Right: Haji Masri Haji Mat Salleh (nini laki - maternal grandfather), me and Allahyarham PSR Pg Hj Jaya Pg Hj Rajid (nini bapa - paternal grandfather)

Pengiran Setia Raja Pengiran Haji Jaya bin Pengiran Haji Rajid was a decorated national hero - serving in the Ninth Batallion during the Japanese Occupation giving the greenlight to the Australian Forces to come into our shores and I remember my maternal grandpa telling me that if it wasn't for him the 1962 Civil War wouldn't have been avoided. He was a cheteria, the first Bruneian Police High Commissioner and ambassador-at-large for the nation until retiring in 1998. But to me, he was more than that. He was not just a grandfather to me, he was my hero, he was my role model but most importantly he was my friend.

Picture looks familiar? Gramps pictured fourth from bottom right. He was a ruggedly handsome man.

He was always there for me since I was born, giving me the name 'Saiful' as all my other male cousins were. He gave my parents his house so that me and my future sister could be raised in, of course at that time serving as an ambassador for the nation in Kuala Lumpur he did not require a house. He always welcomed us to wherever he was, be it in KL or Bangkok. When my mother's tenure in her UK posting ended, he let us stay with him and my grandmother while we waited for our house to be finished. Then during my formative years, he would always bring me to the Friday prayers where we would always be sitting in the front. He gave me first weekly allowance (which I have never told anyone) of $10 a week for almost ten years, until he was not able to go to the Friday Prayers anymore. Whenever I slept over, before sleeping he would always tell me (and sometimes my sister) stories of his past experiences.

It's been awhile now since my grandfather passed away - 6 months actually. Sadly, I wasn't there to be with him in his last few moments with us as I was in the UK. The final time I was with him was on the day that I left to the UK. We were at home reciting the doa selamat before heading off to the airport. The exact words that he said to me while I hugged him in tears was: "Don't cry. We'll meet again." That of course did not come to fruition. Never a day passes without me thinking about him. The man whose blood run in my veins. The man who is a part of my long name. The loving man who will always be loved. The man whom I will always try to become. The man who, if was still alive, would be 85 today.

Happy Birthday Gramps. Bahri loves and miss you always ='D

Ok my sleeping pattern is officially screwed. But on an even lighter note I just had a chat with my Bungsu who just went through a breakup with his girlfriend of 2 years and now is having a tough time adjusting to the single life. In order to do so, he resorted to me for help. I'm not here to brag or anything but I guess he did so because he knows that I'm such a pro at being single.

Unlike some people who can't last a second being single, jumping from one girlfriend to another, I'm very much happy with the situation that I'm in. The reason for this is that the question of: what is there to expect when you have a girlfriend? Of all my non-immediate relatives (immediate being the ones I live with), the one I'm closest to is my Bungsu and within the two years of his relationship with his now ex-girlfriend all I could see them doing was holding hands, talking on the telephone like there was no tomorrow and you know generally going out (i.e. morning jogs, breakfast, movie, lunch, dinner etc). I can't say that they weren't perfect for each other, but yeah, they weren't perfectly compatible too. So I guess what I'm saying here is that in whatever time or moment in life, with great friends and family surrounding you, thats all you need. In our own culture, considering our origins and religion, I would think that having a girlfriend is much more of a conquest or triumph. Putting aside all the kinky details, theres nothing much to do when you have a girlfriend, especially in this moment in my life. Yeah you might say that I'm biased because I haven't had much experiences in being 'triumphant' but right after you say that make sure you have an answer to my question to what follows: Why? If your answer is: "They're there for companionship" my response would be "Faeces of A Bull!".

What better companions can you get than your friends who are there whenever you need them (in my case they're called 'Bros')? You might not be able to hold their hands (shhhh Jeng shhhh) or do all those sappy things with, but from what I've seen is that these things are just not that important. Thats what I told my Bungsu and he agreed.

It was two years ago at the Squash courts (I think), I saw these two people (whom you all know btw) holding hands and swaying them about. Of course there were smiles, but not only on their faces but also irkful and awkward smiles from others' watching. And better yet, you could see that it was all just a faux. I guess the guy was just trying to metaphorically get into her pants and she wouldn't have it I guess so it didn't last long *insert "thats what she said" joke*.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that you should care what other people think nor am I saying don't seek companionship in the other gender, I'm just saying: don't do it on false pretenses because it can really screw you up (directly or indirectly). Ok now I've read the last sentence and I think I'm starting to sound like a delusional relationship therapist. Ok tell you what, just forget everything that you've just read and just remember this:

Bros before Ho's, and then you're good to go!

And also being a delusional 'playa' doesn't work. Even those girls you make up in your mind everyday won't like you :D

Planned on watching Santau with my bro Kahar earlier. However we had o wait til the videos fully loaded on youtube. Thank god for that because while waiting for them to load, we watched The Pacific Part I and II. One word: EPIC. We ended up not watching Santau at all as we were on a World War II frenzy as we watched Saving Private Ryan right after (A movie which I shamefully admit haven't watched before). Made me think of how serving your country in the warfront would feel like. No, I'm not talking about the new type of 'war' that we have right now, but I'm talking about in World War II. Just imagine, landing in Normandy to liberate Europe from Nazi tyranny, invading Berlin to purge the rule of the Third Reich, scalping Nazis etc. I imagine myself in the frontline and go gung ho. Advancing on my enemies, for the sake of m country. But in these days and times, I don't think I would survive five minutes what with all the long range weapons.

"Too much political participation is a bad thing..." what a great quote to use for my not so upcoming exams. I just went to my final Comparative Politics Tutorial today and honestly speaking, it was a blast and a half. I learned that even when you choose not to politically participate you actually are. So all these weeks of choosing not to participate (extensively) during the tutorials, I have exercised participation in all of them in my own way. Shows how funny life is huh? This was really good news because at the end of the tutorial all my worries about my non-participation were gone because rather than be unenthusiastic about my tutorials, I was instead enthusiastically going about my chosen path.

That was just the tip of the iceberg for me. After today I have no more lectures nor tutorials to attend. All I have to do now is enjoy my easter holidays (I'm going to Prague with them BROS), finish up my three essays before the start of the next semester (which is in about 6 more weeks) and start revising for my exams (whereby the period starts in 8 weeks and ends 3 weeks later). Of course I only have 3 papers to sit for so my exams might finish very early. Then after that, back to Brunei I go!

Note: Oh how I miss Brunei ='D

to be serious all the time. I know its kinda bad not being taken seriously but its better than being taken too seriously about something intended not to be. This comes from a recent post by my cousin on Facebook by which I jokingly took philosophically to. Thats a real downer. Trying to make a joke but being taken too seriously. It seems like some people don't have the capacity to just sit back and let their sense of humour all out. Having read the comments following my comment, I see that that part of my gene pool don't have the intellectual capacity of processing humour, even when I blatantly point out that I was joking.

So remember, taking life too seriously without giving in to your sense of humour, to me, means that you don't have anything to expect for in life. I'd just tell them that they'd make the world a better place if they would just stop producing offsprings and rid the world of their handicapped genes because obviously a funny bone will be perpetually missing in their biology.

"Life is boring, so get a sense of humour..." - Jofray, B., "Life is Boring, So Get a Sense of Humour you Douchebags", (Oxford University Press, 2010), Title.

True story.

Ok I know crashing at around 7 or 8 at night and waking up at 3 in the morning does not constitute insomnia but I am suffering from severe (not really though) sleeping disorder. Good thing the sun is always up nowadays to keep me fresh and awake. But when it comes to those lectures in those dark and gloomy theatres, my mind tends to drift off thinking about sleep. So for now, I will go back to sleep to further screw up my sleeping pattern. Good Morning!

It just seems that everytime I'm stuck on my essays (having nothing to write about summed up with mental blocks) I resort to spilling out here. How ironic. I can't write anything that I have to write, but I can divert my attention into blabbering on and on about how I'm trying to do my essay here.

Now I' done, so yeahhhh.... back to work I guess. :s