I just can't help...

but feel challenged.

It's 3:49 am. I'm up. I wasn't up an hour ago. I was asleep. I was asleep for about 6 hours. It was a long day in the library yesterday. But still a satisfyingly productive day. Enrolled for my modules for next year. I felt the adrenaline and I can still feel it. Going to repeat my routine again. So my mind tells me to sleep, but I endeavor to read a bit more.

My life has revolved around revision. This has not been the case in the past. I've never tried this hard ever before. Are these feelings of inferiority in my academics? Do these feelings stem from the challenge purported by my peers? Am I intimidated by the fact that there are, as I have heard, 10 other Bruneian Political students in my batch right now? These questions baffle me as a new question arises: What do I have to be intimidated about? They all are in the same position as I am in.

As my mind wanders in attempting to answer these questions, a conclusion struck. No longer am I subjected to learn what I do not want. No longer do the words calculus, osmosis, titration et al mean anything to me. Only conflict and resolution are in mind. My future is at stake. My life depends on it.

It is human nature to want more. To never be satisfied. To not feel utter fulfillment. My mind seeks more knowledge, perpetually pursuing intellectual satisfaction and fulfillment.

Everything learnt interconnected. One should lead to the other and the other leading back to one. A circle has been drawn. But now I have to fill it. International Organisations and human rights. Terrorism and proliferation. Climate change and governance. Nothing stands alone. Nothing stands unfilled. As words transpire from my mind, more words form within.

If only this can be perpetuated during my examinations. The mastery of not just the course, but also intellect.

PS: pardon the ramblings.