Vertue 'gainst fury shall advance the fight,

And it i' th' combate soone shall put to flight:

For th' old Romane valour is not dead,

Nor in th' Italians brests extinguished.

Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince (written in 1513, published 1532 in Latin)

Despite the immense amount of work, there is still time for peripheral reading. I am aware that reading Machiavelli cannot be considered as reading for enjoyment to some, it is to one.

It has almost been a year since I have started reading this book, but I haven't seemed to get it over with. It seems that I cannot find the endurance to go through it all, as every line, every sentence has a depth that I myself cannot read into. So for the past months, I have merely been going through non-canonical pages. Reading the details that capture my attention. Tonight, after accomplishing a third of my workload, I came across this ever so intriguing sonnet.

First, let me explain to you in what context this sonnet arises from. The Prince, is one of Machiavelli's most esteemed work as a political theorist. It entails the coming of age of a prince, a prince groomed towards kingship, a prince of royal heritage, a prince first revered then esteemed with allegiance and subordinates.

The sonnet was used as a closure to the book. It depicts, to my understanding, that virtue and valor are the possessions of leaders, not of aristocracy but of pure authority. Virtue, in this context, will bring about the combat/resistance of the Italians against the Barbarians, and their valor will keep them alive and let them fight, until there is no more to fight.

Such noble cause will let them fight and their righteousness and courage will let them fight on. For what is right. For what is theirs'.

Although I am rated as a 'high mach' in the MACH-IV test, I do not aspire to be Machiavellian. I aspire to be among the righteous and the courageous.

...inspiration struck. Mind on full throttle. Words flowing from my mind into my hands, transpiring into writings and typed text. One essay down, two more to go. At the rate that I am going now, sleep will not be an issue tonight, as I intend to use the momentum I have now to catapult me from one to two and from two to three.

Check Kahar's blog. You can find an addition to this blogpost for today there.

"Nothing happens unless first a dream."

Carl Sandburg, US Biographer and poet (1878 - 1967)

Right now, I dream of only one thing: finishing all my assignments. But alas, it has been hard for me. Whenever I try going on with work, my mind wanders. Just like it wandered into reaching this quote and as futile as it may seem in helping me with my work, there is much insight on how deep and defined this quote is.

I am not a philosopher but in what I do, especially in my course of work and my dream of a profession, I come across philosophy as my guide. My mind wanders to retrospect whatever I hear, see or experience. Whatever I read I tend to analyse. To me, this characteristic is bittersweet. It is a curse and also a blessing. As whenever I read, I take into account everything written. Word after word, sentence after sentence, phrase after phrase until there is nothing more to read. I used to be a very quick reader. Able to read an entire book without stopping, finishing in mere hours and absorbing the face value of it all. But now as time passes, my reading has become slow. Analysing everything as said. Delving myself into the depth of it all.

Mentioned quote is one example of all of this. I stumbled across it in my efforts to progress in my work. At first, worried about work, I pushed this quote aside and continued. But not long after, my mind, as curious as it has always been, seemed to retrace its tracks onto this quote. The longer I tried eluding it, the more my mind drove me to it's attention. At first I didn't know why. I questioned it's importance as to why my attention had to be flailed towards it. Finally it led me somewhere. It led me to a Facebook status my eldest maternal cousin had updated, which I paraphrase (due to horrendous grammar): "A dream without a plan will never come to fruition". I don't know where this came from. I do not know it's origins. But deep within me I knew that I needed to prove this wrong.

A plan is technically something. Therefore, if without a dream, a plan will not come to fruition. If not for a dream, only nothing will happen. A dream entails an objective. With an objective, everything will come to fruition, even if it may come with failure. Because an objective or, in this matter, a dream, if not met does not necessarily mean that what you have done in attempting to achieve it is faulty, it might be the dream that is faulty. But whatever you do, never give up and never be afraid to fail. Because surrendering to fear is the truest form of failure. As said by Picasso:

"I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it."

I hope that I have given you insight, just as I have to myself.

PS: No wonder my work nowadays require a lot of time to do.

You know that feeling when you have so many things on your mind, but just can't physically transform them into words? You know like when you try eating everything on the table at one go and in the end nothing goes in? Or when you try to shred bundles of paper at one go but end up jamming the machine? Well, thats what I'm feeling now.

I've got 3 essays due on the 4th of May, all summing up to 7500 words, and all I've achieved is a miserly 1000 words on just one essay. I seriously don't know what I've done wrong. I've done all the reading and writing down the notes but my mind just can't seem to be doing any good for me. The 4th is 10 days away. Maybe this is my mind telling me that its still early. I don't have to do all this until the last minute. But guess again. It's actually my mind telling me that I should've finished these essays a long time ago. Way before easter. Its like my mind is saying to me right now: "There you go again procrastinating, blogging about work when the simplest solution is to just get on with work!".

Hmmm... good point.... Thats the best idea I've heard in a long time.

Later Gators =D

Feeling reminiscent, I looked through some of the photos posted by my friends on Facebook. Some funny, all nostalgic and all made me smile. But what really touched my heart is the picture below, which my sister uploaded.

From Left to Right: Haji Masri Haji Mat Salleh (nini laki - maternal grandfather), me and Allahyarham PSR Pg Hj Jaya Pg Hj Rajid (nini bapa - paternal grandfather)

Pengiran Setia Raja Pengiran Haji Jaya bin Pengiran Haji Rajid was a decorated national hero - serving in the Ninth Batallion during the Japanese Occupation giving the greenlight to the Australian Forces to come into our shores and I remember my maternal grandpa telling me that if it wasn't for him the 1962 Civil War wouldn't have been avoided. He was a cheteria, the first Bruneian Police High Commissioner and ambassador-at-large for the nation until retiring in 1998. But to me, he was more than that. He was not just a grandfather to me, he was my hero, he was my role model but most importantly he was my friend.

Picture looks familiar? Gramps pictured fourth from bottom right. He was a ruggedly handsome man.

He was always there for me since I was born, giving me the name 'Saiful' as all my other male cousins were. He gave my parents his house so that me and my future sister could be raised in, of course at that time serving as an ambassador for the nation in Kuala Lumpur he did not require a house. He always welcomed us to wherever he was, be it in KL or Bangkok. When my mother's tenure in her UK posting ended, he let us stay with him and my grandmother while we waited for our house to be finished. Then during my formative years, he would always bring me to the Friday prayers where we would always be sitting in the front. He gave me first weekly allowance (which I have never told anyone) of $10 a week for almost ten years, until he was not able to go to the Friday Prayers anymore. Whenever I slept over, before sleeping he would always tell me (and sometimes my sister) stories of his past experiences.

It's been awhile now since my grandfather passed away - 6 months actually. Sadly, I wasn't there to be with him in his last few moments with us as I was in the UK. The final time I was with him was on the day that I left to the UK. We were at home reciting the doa selamat before heading off to the airport. The exact words that he said to me while I hugged him in tears was: "Don't cry. We'll meet again." That of course did not come to fruition. Never a day passes without me thinking about him. The man whose blood run in my veins. The man who is a part of my long name. The loving man who will always be loved. The man whom I will always try to become. The man who, if was still alive, would be 85 today.

Happy Birthday Gramps. Bahri loves and miss you always ='D

Ok my sleeping pattern is officially screwed. But on an even lighter note I just had a chat with my Bungsu who just went through a breakup with his girlfriend of 2 years and now is having a tough time adjusting to the single life. In order to do so, he resorted to me for help. I'm not here to brag or anything but I guess he did so because he knows that I'm such a pro at being single.

Unlike some people who can't last a second being single, jumping from one girlfriend to another, I'm very much happy with the situation that I'm in. The reason for this is that the question of: what is there to expect when you have a girlfriend? Of all my non-immediate relatives (immediate being the ones I live with), the one I'm closest to is my Bungsu and within the two years of his relationship with his now ex-girlfriend all I could see them doing was holding hands, talking on the telephone like there was no tomorrow and you know generally going out (i.e. morning jogs, breakfast, movie, lunch, dinner etc). I can't say that they weren't perfect for each other, but yeah, they weren't perfectly compatible too. So I guess what I'm saying here is that in whatever time or moment in life, with great friends and family surrounding you, thats all you need. In our own culture, considering our origins and religion, I would think that having a girlfriend is much more of a conquest or triumph. Putting aside all the kinky details, theres nothing much to do when you have a girlfriend, especially in this moment in my life. Yeah you might say that I'm biased because I haven't had much experiences in being 'triumphant' but right after you say that make sure you have an answer to my question to what follows: Why? If your answer is: "They're there for companionship" my response would be "Faeces of A Bull!".

What better companions can you get than your friends who are there whenever you need them (in my case they're called 'Bros')? You might not be able to hold their hands (shhhh Jeng shhhh) or do all those sappy things with, but from what I've seen is that these things are just not that important. Thats what I told my Bungsu and he agreed.

It was two years ago at the Squash courts (I think), I saw these two people (whom you all know btw) holding hands and swaying them about. Of course there were smiles, but not only on their faces but also irkful and awkward smiles from others' watching. And better yet, you could see that it was all just a faux. I guess the guy was just trying to metaphorically get into her pants and she wouldn't have it I guess so it didn't last long *insert "thats what she said" joke*.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying that you should care what other people think nor am I saying don't seek companionship in the other gender, I'm just saying: don't do it on false pretenses because it can really screw you up (directly or indirectly). Ok now I've read the last sentence and I think I'm starting to sound like a delusional relationship therapist. Ok tell you what, just forget everything that you've just read and just remember this:

Bros before Ho's, and then you're good to go!

And also being a delusional 'playa' doesn't work. Even those girls you make up in your mind everyday won't like you :D